Navigating the world of relationships can be challenging, especially when it comes to understanding if your partner truly loves you. If you find yourself asking, “How do I tell if he loves me?” you’re not alone.
Many men in relationships have a hard time expressing their emotions. In this article, we’ll delve into 12 signs that prove he does, providing you with the insight you need to feel secure and cherished in your relationship.
A less helpful piece of advice people like to hand out is, “If you have to ask or question his love, then he doesn’t love you”. It really isn’t helpful, and you don’t get any reassurance. You also can’t rely on asking him, “Do you love me?” and being satisfied with the answer.
There is nothing wrong with your relationship if you are asking this question. It is a very common thought at the beginning of any relationship. 5 years into your relationship… That’s a different discussion.
1. He has quality communication skills
This is the most detrimental thing to lack in a loving relationship. Yes, communication is hard for some of us, and when it comes to emotions, men tend to struggle with it altogether, especially when it is face-to-face. There is still the option to send you a text or cute good morning messages. Does your face light up as soon as you see his name pop up on your phone? You receive messages randomly out of the blue saying, “I have to tell you what just happened!” or “I saw this and thought of you.” Even the “just checking in” texts that let you know he is thinking of you. Instead of every night at 10:30 p.m asking “You up?”
How has he handled a change of plans? Are you the first to know? Does he follow up with an alternative solution or leave you to figure it out? Let’s say he gets called into work for an emergency. Does he tell you as soon as he gets off the phone and on his way to work, or does he let you know after he already got there and you ended up messaging him asking where he was?
We can be so quick to learn everything we can about someone and ask question after question. During your times apart, you are most likely texting back and forth with the cute cheeky smiles once you see their name pop up on your phone. There are hundreds of fun conversations you can have through text so you can spend less time talking when you are finally together. BUT, does he actually answer any of the questions? Does he respond with just a couple of words showing little to no effort or is he providing a quality answer and asks you for your answer? This is where the love is at.
2. He prioritizes your happiness
Making each other happy should make each of you happy. Knowing what things make you happy is a great start for him. If he doesn’t know more than one thing that makes you happy, he could use a hint. It’s not easy to make a slideshow presentation of everything we find happiness in, but it is easy to let it flow in conversation. A simple round of ‘Would You Rather?’ questions can tell you a lot about what someone finds happiness. Would he rather live in a world with no spicy food or no sweet food? How about either not shower for a week or not brush your teeth for a week? There are so many ways that these questions can bring you to conversations about what makes you happy. Loathe spicy food? Are obsessed with showers? Well, now he knows! (I see sugary sweets and bath bombs coming your way)
Just like when it comes to getting flowers, you shouldn’t have to ask your boyfriend to surprise you with flowers… it is no longer a surprise right? But, c’mon, even if you despise the thought of getting flowers, when you are early in the relationship, he is at least making an effort to see you smile. Once he learns that you would rather be surprised with taco’s or a cacti, flowers will hopefully not be a surprising gesture toward your happiness.
3. He introduces you to his friends and family
This might not be a big deal to you or even a big deal to him, but in a relationship, it is kind of a big deal. He should have already talked about his family, mainly parents and siblings, and his relationship with them.
If he is a huge family guy and has Sunday dinner’s at home with them, if he loves you, his family already knows a lot about you before you meet them.
As far as his friends go, they probably have a massive influence on his dating decisions just like your friend group has their opinions on who you should date.
As an adult, your friends can sometimes know more about you than you know yourself. This doesn’t mean that they are always right, they just tend to see red flags more clearly than you might.
- See more: How to make a guy fall in love with you
4. He talks about a future with you
This isn’t a sign that you should be looking for within the first few months of dating. The more you both talk about your dreams and goals you have for yourselves, the more you can start merging them together. Your future plans together might include:
- Career plans
- Raising a family
- Personal goals
- Life goals
You grew up knowing what kind of future you wanted for yourself. Anyone who played “M.A.S.H” as a kid, knows exactly what this means. It seriously determined our fate before we ever knew what love was.
5. He’s consistently affectionate and attentive
There is a difference between ‘I can’t keep my hands off you‘ and inappropriate PDA. On the same note, only referring to each other in your cutesy nicknames all of the time. Just the both of you… that’s cute. When you are together in the early days of your relationship, it’s easy to get carried away and want to jump on each other any chance you get.
Holding hands and kisses goodbye are affectionate, sure. But when he places his hand on the small of your back while he stands behind you, puts his arm around you when in a crowded space, or makes sure you get the last french fry.
We aren’t talking old-school etiquette here. Holding doors open, pulling out your chair, laying his jacket down over a puddle… We are in the 21st century and us women have worked hard for this independence! If your boyfriend does happen to do these old-school gestures, it is still really cute! Would he do the same for his best guy friend? No? Then you are special to him.
When it comes to being attentive to your wants, needs, desires, and safety, you will get a fair idea if he loves you or not. When you tell him that you have had a hard day at work or something is really stressing you out, how does he react? Does he try to fix the problem? Offer advice? Listen to you vent? All of these are sure signs he loves you, just let him understand which reaction would be helpful to you. Now if he sloughs you off and makes you feel as if your mood is a total buzz kill, it’s not a good sign that he loves you.
6. He’s supportive during difficult times
Again, how do you want him to react when you go to him for support? Above all, he should listen. This is just respect and you would do the same for him. His full attention should be present. This means that his body is facing toward you making eye contact and showing general interest in what you have to say.
Allow him to ask questions if he needs to understand your situation better. What if this is your third or fourth time dealing with a stressful or tough situation? Does he roll his eyes and grunt at the thought of you ‘complaining‘? Or does he assume position and give you all of his attention to listen to you?
There will be times when he isn’t readily available to drop everything and attend to you, this is a given. He should be quick to let you know when he does have the appropriate time to give you the attention you need.
7. He’s willing to compromise
Seeing you smile should have your man melting into a puddle, especially when he is the reason why you are smiling. What makes you happy is not the same as what his exes need to be happy. He won’t know exactly what makes you happy if you don’t let him know.
So if you find yourself suggesting that you love to cuddle and watch movies on a Friday night, but he plans on going to the bar and a ball game instead, this is not prioritizing your happiness. It’s healthy to sacrifice little things like this, some Fridays you stay in and cuddle up to watch a movie, other Fridays you grab a drink and head to a sporting event. Win-Win!
8. He’s open and honest with you
This is a given right? We are all guilty, men and women, of holding things back or not being completely honest in the beginning of a relationship. It’s not a written rule to dump all of your baggage out on the first date, but getting the very crucial personal information out as soon as possible will help start your relationship off in the right way.
Things like kids, marriage, career, living situation, criminal activity, etc., are never things to hear about after your are already falling head over heels for him.
If it isn’t something that he purposely mentions, there’s a little wiggle room here. “Well, you never brought it up or asked about it.” Yes, this is fair to say, but if it is something very important in his life, like the few things just mentioned, they should be just as important to tell you as it is to tell you about his sick ride or what he can bench press.
9. He respects your boundaries
We form boundaries throughout our lives and experiences. Boundaries are different for everyone and every relationship, but there are a few boundaries you can put in place early in the relationship that can give you a sure sign that won’t make you question ‘How do I know if he loves me?‘ When it comes to you and your ‘me time‘, does he question you about it or get antsy if you are taking too long? If he loves you, he will encourage this for you! Plus, when he wants his ‘me time‘ you will encourage him right back.
A huge factor with boundaries is your ability to say ‘no‘ and it be taken seriously. It can be all cute and funny when you are both joking around, but when you are making it clear that your answer is ‘no‘ and he is not reciprocating your request… this is a boundary that needs to be talked about and respected.
10. He makes an effort to grow and improve with you
As you learn about his flaws, he will be learning about yours. Everyone has their own flaws, and these flaws can be different from relationship to relationship. Remember, there are flaws, red flags, and deal-breakers. Three very different things you should tolerate in your relationship. (Deal-breakers not being tolerated at all.) Noticing and accepting your flaws is the best way to see what could be holding your relationship back from progressing.
Acknowledging flaws about yourself is tough and can seem like an attack when they are being pointed out by someone you really care for. But, that’s the thing, if you both really care about each other, the flaws that you both point out are meant to be harmless but not completely taboo to talk about.
When it comes to your goals and how you want to improve yourself, this is the perfect time for him to be your “hype-man”, your cheerleader, your biggest supporter. Let’s say you are wanting to run a 5k by the end of the year, does he start working out with you and support your progress? Are you trying to finish up your college degree and he helps you study and respects your quiet time to focus?
11. He’s proud to be with you
This is a sign that he does, in fact, love you. We have seen it in movies and fairytales, the slow walk down the stairs on prom night and he is staring at you like he has never seen something so beautiful. When he is proud of you he let’s the whole world know about it. Next time he answers a phone call when he is with you, if the other person is asking him a simple “Hey, what are you doing? Who are you with?” and your actual name doesn’t come out or at least ‘my girlfriend….(your name)” our minds can go straight to why doesn’t he want them to know that he is with me?
When he has photos of you posted on his social media #mygirl, or he is eager to introduce to everyone. When you are faced with a big project or promotion at work, does he root you on and then make sure to celebrate with you when it is all over? Speaking of celebrations, does he seem to put a lot of effort into learning about your routine and important dates?
12. He’s consistent in his actions and words
When the fling is fresh and you are still in the process of woo-ing each other, he might embellish on how many days of the week he goes to the gym, how often he actually does laundry, and his gourmet meals he makes just for himself. It isn’t too much of a let down since you can expect these things to change slightly when getting into a relationship anyway. Again, during times when you are stressed out with work, friends, or something personal, is he there for you? If he is, that’s great! But how about later in the day? The next day? Does he follow up with you to see how you have been getting along?
We are all a little bit like a houseplant when we start new relationships. Brand new and ready to grow, just give us some water and some sunlight and we will flourish. Water us once a month and keep us in a shady area will cause us to lack life. You see this and think ‘oh, I should water this‘, you water the plant and it perks right back up. Another month goes by and you see the plant struggling to stay alive.
The water and sunlight is the consistent reassurance that the person cares about it. Watering the plant every other day is much better than waterboarding it once a month. Don’t wait until you mention something to your boyfriend about the words you want to hear. Compliments, words of affirmation, flirty gestures, all of these should stay consistent in your relationship, never stop dating!