Looking for signs your ex is miserable without you. Great you have come to the right place.
While guys can hide that they are sad pretty well and don’t cry nearly as much as us girls, there are still some tell-tale signs that is totally miserable! He might be able to hide tears but it is hard to hide when he’s in total misery.
Here’s the key signs your ex is unhappy in new relationship!
30 Signs your Ex is Miserable Without You!
One of the most telling signs of a miserable ex partner is when they decide to drink a little bit too much one night and call you. It is typically best to not answer these types of calls, they typically result in a lot of yelling and fighting.
If you are worried about their well-being you can try to find out where they are and call them an Uber, but keeping the conversation going with them is exactly what they want at that moment.
They truly don’t care if the conversation is negative and will inhibit any chances of you ever getting back together, they just want to hear your voice, and remain in your life – even if it is a negative influence.
Jealous when you are dating
After a relationship ends it is inevitable that one person starts to date before the other person. If your ex starts to show signs that they are jealous of the new relationship, it is more than likely that they are miserable and haven’t moved on from you just yet.
See more: Signs your male friend has feelings for you.
Making you feel guilty for dating someone
This sign goes hand in hand with being jealous when you start dating someone, when they start to make you feel guilty for dating someone.
If they make it a point to let you know that they can’t imagine the possibility of dating someone yet, and suggest that you weren’t invested in their relationship if you are already dating, there is a strong chance that they are miserable.
See more: Signs he is hurting after the breakup
Gaining or losing too much weight
After a break up it is widely known that the gym can be a great way to cope with a breakup, but if your partner goes the other way, where they are gaining or losing too much weight, this is a great indication that they are miserable.
This shows that they don’t have the motivation to either get up and eat a nutritious meal, or they are coping with the breakup through an excessive amount of junk food and an unhealthy lifestyle.
Telling you they are miserable
Sometimes your ex is not very subtle, sometimes they will just reach out to you to let you know how they are feeling. Depending on the situation, this can be a very difficult situation to handle.
On one hand you don’t want your ex to suffer, and on the other hand, you don’t want to let them think that you are taking them back.
If they start to see the door open because you are being comforting and supportive, they might just think there is a chance for you to get back together.
So you have to be very careful in how you handle this situation, make it clear you do not want them to suffer emotionally, but also clear that you are moving on.
This sign is only applicable if you are still in each other’s lives, and you are hanging out with them still in your group of friends.
My recommendation: try and stay away from one another for a while, no matter what you both are saying, it is very hard to hangout with someone you dated, especially if you just broke up with them recently.
But if you are hanging out with them with your group of friends, and you start to notice that they are constantly looking to argue with someone, or they take it even further by trying to start fights with someone, it is a very telling sign that they are miserable after the breakup.
See more: How to keep a guy interested
Planning a future with you
If you are still talking to your ex, and they start to bring up how it could be different if you were to start dating again, you need to stop the conversation immediately.
They feel miserable in their life without you in it, so they begin to picture their future with you in it, promising to be a better person and fix the problems this time around.
Again, I highly recommend no communication whatsoever with your ex, but sometimes it is unavoidable. So if they start to think about what your life could have been like had you stayed together, gently remind them that you are no longer dating.
Sometimes after a breakup, one person tries to show that they are completely fine with it, whether it’s because of toxic masculinity thinking it’s not okay to show their feelings, or because they just don’t want to be alone, so they start to date immediately.
The problem is, without proper time to get over a breakup, all of these dates aren’t going to lead anywhere, and it will always end up with them thinking about you and the relationship you had together.
If you start to notice them constantly dating to get over you, maybe it’s time that you talk to their close friends so they can have the conversation that it isn’t a healthy way to get over the breakup.
Social Media Frenzy
To go along with the dating spree, a sure fire way to know that they are struggling after the breakup is to take a look at their social media pages.
If they are going on dates – and posting about it all over the place, more than likely they are just trying to get your attention to make you jealous.
If this is hurting you in the process, I highly recommend blocking them on all forms of social media, this way you don’t have to look at it if you don’t want to!
One of the biggest signs your ex is miserable without you.
Social Media Cleanse
While you are dating someone, it is natural in this day and age for you both to post pictures of each other on social media.
After a breakup, if a person deletes everything on their social media pages that had any relation to you, they are miserable.
They took the time to erase you from their life, to make it seem like you never happened. You should not take this personally, they are simply lashing out and they have yet to find a healthy method of expressing their emotions efficiently.
Talks badly about you
This one may be an obvious one, but if your ex starts talking badly about you, on social media, or just to their friends, it’s a good sign that they just aren’t over you.
This seems backwards, but in their minds the only way to try to get over you is if they fill their heads with bad things about you, this makes them feel better about the breakup.
So you have to remember that what they are saying about you is not true, it is just them trying to make themselves feel better.
Talks badly about your new significant other
This goes along with the previous sign, if you start dating someone new, and they start talking badly about them to your friends, or even to you.
If your ex isn’t entirely over you, then they will struggle with the fact that you are dating and moving on with your life. In order to cope with this fact, they start to talk badly about the new person in your life.
You have to make sure that you ignore the bad things they are saying, they are just trying to fill your head with negative thoughts and opinions of your new significant other.
Becomes a hermit
For the most part, after you break up with someone, chances are that you are still in contact with their friends in some way – you may even see them when you are out for dinner or out for drinks with your own group of friends.
If you start to notice that your ex isn’t with their friends consistently, it’s a good sign that they are struggling with the fact that you are no longer dating. If this is the case, maybe check in on them to see if they are doing alright, again, setting clear boundaries that this isn’t a scenario where you are getting back together.
If you think interaction directly with you will hurt even more, have one of your friends or their friends check in on them.
Stalks you on social media
A huge sign your ex is miserable without you.
Social media offers so many benefits in this world that nearly everyone is using some form of it, whether it be Tik Tok, Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook.
The problem with social media is that there are also many negative effects of using the different social applications.
After a break up it is natural to be curious to see what your ex is up to these days, it becomes a problem however when they start to consistently look at your page on a daily basis, even messaging you through the apps or “liking” your new and old posts.
Making excuses to see you
After a breakup it is essential to set clear boundaries and attempt to avoid contact with one another if at all possible. If you continue to see each other things can get extremely messy.
If your ex starts to make up random excuses to see you, they clearly aren’t over your breakup just yet.
This could be showing up to a party that was supposed to be just people you invited, or they want to show you a new puzzle that they put together (a bit of a reach but it could happen), whatever the case may be, they are just making excuses to be able to see you.
Keeps asking about you
This is a sign that would typically be seen by your friends, or even your family depending on how far the relationship had gone.
If your ex is reaching out to your friend group and family members to see how you are doing, they aren’t over you just yet.This sign is just as manipulative as continuously reaching out just to you, because they are reaching out to everyone in your life, which could be quite suffocating.
If this continuously happens, you have to do two things: reach out to them to stop the pestering and reach out to your friends and family to have them block their number.
Makes sure you know they are dating
Eventually after your breakup, you will both start dating again, it’s a part of the process of fully getting over a breakup.
If your ex likes to reach out to let you know that they are dating or going on a couple dates, then they aren’t happy.
They are simply going on dates to try to make you jealous, if this is not the case, then why would they let you know that they are going out on these dates?
Constant Contact with your friends
If your ex is constantly checking in with your friends to see how you are doing, or if they just want to set up a time where you are all able to just sit and “hangout”, more than likely they are just trying to hangout with you again.
This could be extremely troublesome if your friends are okay with it and encouraging them to continue to interact with them and your friend group.
Posts on social media
This one may be a bit obvious, but if they are posting more sad things on social media, then they are just simply not happy.
Your ex could be doing this for a couple different reasons, like trying to get your attention or they are using it as a way to vent their feelings.
Whatever the reason may be, it is always a safe tip to check in on them, and if they are constantly making sad posts, maybe refer them to a therapist so they are able to talk about their feelings.
Keeping your belongings
This one may be a bit childish, but I have had a friend in this exact situation. They were not living together, but they were spending nights at each other’s houses, so it’s natural that they left some items behind each night.
After the breakup, their ex decided to keep everything that they had left behind, so it was very safe to assume that they were not only miserable but extremely frustrated with them to say the very least.
Obviously the situation had dissipated over time, but there was a two week period where it was just constant fighting between the two of them.
I recommend simply giving them some time to cool down and then re approach the situation, if they are keeping something extremely valuable, either monetary value or emotional value, then it may need to come to the police.
No longer ambitious
If your ex significant other was always an ambitious person, and then after you break up they are all of a sudden not ambitious to do anything, it doesn’t take a psychologist to know that they are struggling emotionally.
It’s natural shortly after a breakup to not feel ambitious so if this is noticeable shortly after you break up I would not worry about it, but if this continues to be a problem for weeks or months on end, then it could lead to some major issues.
Trying to make up for past mistakes
If you are still in contact with your ex, and they start to make promises to be better in the future, they are definitely not happy with breaking up.
This is very noticeable when they start to apologize about the things they had done wrong, and how they are working in their life to fix it.
This sign is a situation where it could start all innocently where they just want to apologize for the things they have done, and it leads to them thinking that there is a door open for them to come back into your life.
If a lot of time goes by after your breakup, you have gone on a few dates personally, but your ex has yet to do so, they still miss you.
Dating helps fully get over a breakup, and if they are refusing to take one of the essential steps in moving on, they just aren’t ready to move on just yet, which is a clear sign that they are not happy at the moment. Hopefully with more time they will begin to move on and start dating again.
One of the biggest signs your ex still cares.
Asking what you think
As you go through life you are constantly faced with difficult decisions that will shape the life that you lead. When you are in a relationship, you have the opportunity to discuss these options with your partner, and of course, this opportunity goes away once you break up.
If your ex continues to try to get your opinion when they are faced with major life decisions, they simply want you in their life.
In the beginning it might be helpful to just give your opinion and be done with it, but if it continuously happens, then it becomes time for boundaries and reminding them that your opinion simply shouldn’t matter anymore.
Breaks the no contact rule
There is an unspoken rule (pretty well known at this point) when a breakup occurs: the no contact rule. This rule should at a minimum be at least thirty days, where you just avoid contact with one another.
I have had friends who say thirty days aren’t enough, and insist on a sixty day no contact rule. If you and your partner break up, and they decide to break the no contact rule for no reason at all, they are miserable and are not able to get over you just yet.
They claim they are doing better
If everyone around them after a breakup, and they consistently claim they are doing perfectly fine, more than likely they are just trying to hide their emotions.
Deep down they are upset, they just do not want everyone else to see how much they are hurting. Pretending you are okay feels a lot better (and is easier) than just admitting that you are struggling, and you need someone to talk to. Which is why your ex will consistently claim they are doing fine.
If you are still in contact with your ex, and they start to try to be more affectionate than they were when you were dating, it is clear that they are miserable without you. Again, this can be avoided if you are following the “no contact rule”, but sometimes that rule just does not work out for whatever reason.
So if you start to notice them being much nicer than while you were dating, make sure you put a stop to it, otherwise you could go down a road where you get back together.
Poor decision making – a big sign your ex is miserable without you
If your ex begins to make reckless decisions, decisions that he would never have made before the breakup, they are clearly lashing out to get some attention from you.
This is obviously not the best way to get a person’s attention, but we have all seen people do some crazy things for love. These poor decisions could not only hurt themselves, but the people around them as well, and it is essential that they talk to someone about their problems.
Neglecting essential duties
After a breakup, nobody wants to do anything, one of my friends’ mothers always told her “You get three days to be sad and do nothing, after that you have to start moving on with your life”.
The problem is, sometimes after a breakup, your ex may not have the motivation to start getting back to their normal lives. If they stop showing up to work, or stop taking care of themselves, they are miserable, and they are not able to find a healthy way to deal with their emotions.
Hobbies / Activities
During a relationship, it is always essential to have hobbies or activities that you partake in to maintain a healthy balance between your relationship, family, and friends.
For example, over the pandemic I picked up disc golf, if for some reason my partner and I broke up, and I stopped going to play disc golf, that would be a clear indication that I am miserable. If your ex starts to skip the things they are passionate about, they simply do not have the motivation to participate in the things they love.